Thinkerfromiowa's Blog

Conversation about a variety of subjects

Who0 Do You Trust?

Who Do You Trust?

Hello, everyone.

I posted a message last Sunday (8/12/12) in one of my Asperger’s Syndrome groups, in a thread titled “Where does eminent domain end and my rights being….”  This is not about eminent domain, but about the concept of trust.  Here is my message

– – – – – – – – – –

> Still, it is better to learn to trust than to trust no one — you will set yourself up for unnecessary pain that way.

I tend to keep my mouth shut in here and just read.  But I feel that I must respond to the above statement.

I am legally blind, and in the course of my life, I have experienced some rather nasty stuff from people, especially the opposite sex.  Because of the treatment I have received, I am not exactly the world’s biggest fan of women.

I love to watch the “Animal Cops” shows on Animal Planet, especially the “Animal Cops Houston” shows because they do so much with horses. I love and adore horses; they by nature don’t do mean things to people unless they are mistreated.

On the “Animal Cops” shows, they frequently speak about working with animals “in order to get the animal to trust humans again.”  Animals are smarter than we are because once they are mistreated, they more or less automatically assume that when they see another human, they will be mistreated again.  So the only way they can survive is to assume mistreatment until they are persuaded that human beings are OK after all.

When I was younger and naive, I pretty much trusted everyone.  When I saw a woman or girl, I automatically assumed that she would be nice to me.  [COMMENT:  I said that I was young and naïve.  I had not yet even begun to learn what women were REALLY like.]  But as I got older, I earned a dozen Ph. D’s from the University of Hard Knocks.  I learned that trusting everyone was not safe, so I filed that idea in the “Forget Me” file cabinet.

Yes, my life is lonely, and I wish that this were different.  But yet I believe that it is better to be lonely and thus avoid any unnecessary hurt and pain than it is to be open and vulnerable.

In the past, I used to back-and-forth with Yoshi when he was wanting advice on how to meet women.  I loved those exchanges.   I doubt that I ever helped Yoshi, but I thoroughly enjoyed the communication with a person I truly liked and trusted.

So I speak from experience.  It IS painful to be alone because you don’t trust people, but trust me; that pain is nowhere as bad as the pain one feels when he likes and trusts someone and that person betrays him.  That is one Ph. D I earned from Hard Knocks (UHK).

Thank you for letting me have my say.

Bill C.

– – – – – – – – – –

What I didn’t expect was that this message launched a short thread.  That discussion has pretty much run its course, but it was a revelation to me to discover how many other people felt the way I did.

When the Supreme God created the animal kingdom, he built into each of us – from man on down to cats and dogs – the concept of trust and the concept of safety of those whom we all trust.  That is why wild animals like the wolf, deer, and bear avoid humans as much as possible – they do not know us and therefore do not trust us.  I believe also that this lack of trust is why “wild” animals are so aggressive towards us humans.  It simply is their survival instinct kicking in – and properly so.  I believe that this concept of trust is the reason that many “wild” species react to other “wild” species the way that they do.  The Thompson’s gazelle is fearful of the lion because he knows that he faces the possibility of being a tasty meal for the male lion and his pride.

Now we come to us humans.  It is the nature of the child to believe and trust his elders.  That is why a small child will believe such a myth as Santa Claus.  He is taught to trust his elders and to believe that everything they say is true.  The problems start to arise when the child reaches puberty and his brain cells start kicking in.  He knows that not everything that he was told when he was little is true.  He learns that Santa Claus is little more than just a fairy tale.

I remember reading a story many years ago, when two children were talking about Santa Claus coming to their houses.  One child said that Santa always came down the chimney on Christmas Eve.  The second child said, “Come on!  You know that Santa Claus is only a myth!”  The first child said, “I know that, but my parents believe in him and I hate to tell them the truth about Santa.”  Out of the mouths of babes comes wisdom!

When we are children, we are told many things that we are expected to trust as being true.  Things like:  the priest or minister is a man from God and he is to be trusted and believed as no other man is; teachers love all of their students; policemen are to be trusted in all cases; the Bible is the “Word of God,” and every word in it is true and to be believed; and many more too numerous to mention.  But then we do something nasty and awful – we grow up!  And as we grow older, we have experiences and our brains begin functioning, and we learn that many of the things we were taught as small children are not necessarily true.  We learn that there are priests who get their jollies by punking little boys and pastors who have surly, mean dispositions.  Or we learn that teachers do indeed have pets and look down their noses at students who do not measure up to their standards.  Or we learn that there is such a thing as crooked cops and that they overlook the illegal behaviors of those who slip them a ten- or twenty-dollar bill.  Or we learn that the Bible is not to be trusted because there are some wild, irrational teachings contained in it.

As we grow up, we also learn that there are people who are as mean and cruel to us as the lion is to the gazelle, and for that reason they are not to be trusted.  I have shared many times in Solus Christus about my walk away from Jesus Christ and the reasons for that decision.  It all boils down to two facts.  First, when I considered and studied the sayings of Jesus as recorded in the gospels, I came to the conclusion that, instead of being the source of all truth, they were nothing more than the rantings of a raging maniac.  Case in point:  In Matthew 7:7-8 and Luke 11:9-10, Jesus makes some wild promises without a single condition, qualifier, if, and, or but.  He says that if we ask him for ANYTHING, we will get it and that if we seek ANYTHING, we will find it.  I was born with an eye condition and am legally blind.  Naturally, I asked him for healing for my eyes.  I am still legally blind.  I then concluded that if this saying of his proved to be false, then how much of the other stuff he vomited in the gospels is likewise false?  I then concluded that my life had far too much value for me to put ANY trust into anything that he said.

Furthermore, according to Jesus, if I wanted a date with Jane Fonda or Raquel Welsh, all I had to do was to ask him for it.  Utterly ridiculous, I know.  But, after all, he DID make the promise, so I did try it out to see how true – or false – it was.  You’re way ahead of me.  The closest I ever got to a date with Jane or Raquel was to watch them on the movie screen.

The second fact was the behavior of Jesus and his followers.  I have recounted in Solus Christus many accounts of the treatment and MIStreatment I have received at the hands of Jesus and his followers, and I won’t recount them here.  But suffice it to say that Christians can treat those who do not agree with them the way that the lion treats the gazelle.  And furthermore, Christians can be extremely vengeful and mean towards those of us who don’t trust them or their Jesus.  Being trusted is extremely important to them.

In the years since I made the decision to walk away from Jesus Christ, I have had people tell me how wrong my decision was.  Well, it was MY decision to make, and I made it.  And I have not had one moment of remorse about making it.  There is one song that expresses my feelings beautifully.  So, Jesus, and those who follow you, this one is for you.

I’m Not Ready To Make Nice

By The Dixie Chicks

Songwriters: Dan Wilson; Martie Maguire; Natalie Maines; Emily Robinson

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting

I’m through with doubt
There’s nothing left for me to figure out
I’ve paid a price
And I’ll keep paying

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

I know you said
Can’t you just get over it
It turned my whole world around
And I kind of like it

I made my bed and I sleep like a baby
With no regrets and I don’t mind sayin
It’s a sad sad story when a mother will teach her
Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger
And how in the world can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they’d write me a letter
Sayin that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should
What it is you think I should

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting

Yea and AMEN!!

I conclude this diary with this.  Today (8/16/12), in another message in the same Aspie group as my message, Yvona, the moderator, made a couple of excellent points:

“I know in America the card sending can be trite – when it’s from people you never hear from except at that one time of year. If you really care about someone you will contact them, whether in person, by phone or by email.

“Human contact – in person, by phone or by email – is how we combat loneliness and isolation.

“When we’re feeling lonely and depressed we sometimes tend to lash out at others around us.”

I have shared in Solus Christus how a guy I knew out in California wrote me and told me that he did not know how to communicate with the “New Bill.”  I have also shared about how, when we were in Racine, Wisconsin, for Carol’s memorial service, my 19-year-old niece Hilary could tell that something was bothering Uncle Bill, and how she kept after me until she knew what that something was.

Why this dichotomy?  Actually, I believe that the explanation is quite simple.  The guy who doesn’t know how to interact with the “New Bill” was an associate pastor in California and is a senior pastor now.  My niece – she is now 23 – was raised in a family that hardly ever darkened the door of a church.  Thus she didn’t have all of the “Jesus” constraints to follow that the pastor did.

Yvona’s last statement up above is powerful:  “When we’re feeling lonely and depressed we sometimes tend to lash out at others around us.”

As I recounted over the years in Solus Christus, losing my beloved wife was a mind-numbing event in my life.  I vented my spleen many times in those diaries.  I did so with one thought on my mind:  SURELY SOMEONE would see those diaries and send me an e-mail saying something like “Bill, from the things you are saying in Solus Christus, I can tell you are going through a rough time.  Would you like to write to me and get some stuff off your chest?”

But that message never came.  No one gave a damn enough to write me and try to find out what was going on.  That shocked me, because ANYONE with a functioning brain and intellectual acumen would be able to see that what I was writing was not me.  I have no idea; maybe if someone had dared to take a chance on communicating with me, I could have retained something of what I had believed at one time.  But one guy who I thought would understand admitted that I had become an enigma to him.  Others did nothing except unsubscribe from the group or else delete my e-mails when they saw them in their in-boxes.

And that brings us back to the issue of trust.  I went through the nastiest event that a guy could go through, and yet I had only 5 people whom I could trust to be there for me – my mother, my mother-in-law, and Carol’s sister and her husband and daughter.  This wasn’t the first time either.  When my first wife died, all I had was her sister and husband in Kansas City and the four dear people I have always referred to as my “Four Catholic Champions.”  And like Carol’s sister and family who stood by me, the couple in Kansas City who stood by me also never darkened the door of a church.  Indeed, they gave me the impression that they were deeply offended by all of the “Jesus” bullshit.

On 8/18/12, in one of my Asperger’s groups, there was this message:

“You bring up some good points. It is useful to note that most of who NT society considers ‘mentally ill’ are people who spend their lives having jobs and surviving day-to-day never hurting a soul. This is part of the issue where the stigma and shame of their existance (like ours) is worsened not by living in these altered states but by the mistreatment and abuse they are subjected to. Having depression or bipolar is not unusual, just recently Sen. Jesse Jackson Jr. went for treatment for this. Famous writers had this. And so do many of our neighbors. As for being mistreated by someone like this, it is a very small percentage of the population (ill or not) that commit violence. These people suffer from lengthy neglect and abuse of society before they hurt people. If our world found and treated them earlier, they’d lead productive lives or be in jail or treatment rather then hurt more people.”

Given the myriad of shootings that has happened recently, I am not surprised that many of the shooters have had mental illnesses.  Kevin’s comment about how much neglect and abuse such people suffer before they finally snap is VERY well taken.  In many ways, I am just like them – the main difference being that I use a computer keyboard instead of a gun to vent my spleen.  But I do indeed know what neglect and abuse is.  I have suffered abuse all my life, virtually all of it coming from Evangelical Christians because of my eyesight.  I have also suffered neglect throughout my life, again at the hands of Evangelical Christians.

Now WHY does this happen?  Generally because people do not want to be bothered when there is a need.  We have our little agendas and plans and those do not tolerate ANY variation from the routine.  I remember when I was in college.  I attended the NazareneChurch in my college town.  One year around Thanksgiving, a local charity called the pastor and asked him to pick up a food basket they had put together for a poor family in the church.  He didn’t want to do it because it was not on his agenda.  The charity person shamed him into putting out a tad of effort to help someone in need.  Incidentally, he told that story about himself from the pulpit.  Personally, I wouldn’t have the moxie to tell such a tale about myself.  Who wants to be made to look like a schmo?

That is why these people are pushed into their acts of violence.  And that is why I use the computer keyboard to vent my spleen.  People simply cannot be bothered with spending a few minutes to bring some cheer into a lonely life.  That is why the e-mails get deleted and people unsubscribe from a group.  They just don’t give a damn.

In view of all this, why then should they – or their “Savior” – be trusted?  Now THAT is a poser!

Back over 50 years ago, about the time that I started college, I had a 45 rpm record done by the late, wonderful Kitty Wells.  One of the songs was titled “Lonely Is a Word.”  Here are the lyrics:

Lonely is a word lonely is a word that they made up when
Somebody loses their only love and their only friend
Lonely is a word lonely is a word that describes a tear
That’s held inside or that is cried when no one is near
Unless you’ve lost your only love and unless you’ve lost your friend
You won’t know what lonely means you won’t understand
That lonely is a word lonely is a word that they made up when
Somebody loses their only love and their only friend

It has been my personal experience that Evangelicals have no clue about the concept of “lonely,” but thank God! Mainline believers do.

At the start of the diary, I said that the Supreme God built into us animals the concept of trust and the concept of the safety of those who prove themselves to be trustworthy.  And he expects us to put that concept into practice in our lives.  I know whom I can trust – and whom I dare not trust.  And all of us who have functioning brains should know this as well.

Have a great day.

And by the way:  I STILL wonder what that date with Jane Fonda or Raquel Welsh would have been like.


P. S.  What do you say we end this puppy on a happy note?  I found this on Daily Kos on Saturday evening, 8/18/12.

“Proving once again that Texas’ biggest export is stupid Republican congressmen, Rep. Ted Poe submits this latest example for our amusement:

“’The vice presidential debate between Paul Ryan and Joe Biden will be like Einstein debating Forrest Gump.’

“Yup, Ryan’s exactly like Einstein. Who can forget that time ol’ Albert announced he had a great new theory of relativity, but he hadn’t run the numbers yet, and besides, real Americans don’t care about details?

“This has been another installment of Idiot Republicans Being Idiots.”

This from the Republican Party, the creator of the concept of “Legitimate Rape.”



August 21, 2012 - Posted by | Miscellaneous, Religion

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: